How Silently the Ship Sailed By

With its sails long unfurled, deck drifting side to side, and naught a sound to be heard; the ship waited impatiently for the wind to come. Long it had waited, ready to begin its journey; only to be constantly pulled back by those on shore who were sorry to see it leave.

Where it goes, they cannot follow; and so they hold on to its tethers; beseeching it to stay another week, day, moment.

Before is a long and exciting future of unknown consequence. Behind, the same drab familiarity that no longer beckons for any attention. 

In the night, when its captor's awareness waned, the wind at last arrived. It caught the sails, pulling them taunt off the masts, pillowing them against the fore, and silently, pulling the ship away; free at last.

Unbeknownst to those on shore, the true journey had begun.

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So many things catch me unaware these days. When did my parents age so much? Where was the line that once past, defined me as an adult? What happened to the financial safety buffer I once built? How did I ever manage to deserve such a wonderful girlfriend? I really don't seem to know what I'm doing; but am instead just lashing out in as many directions are I can, with determination and dedication, hoping for a breakthrough somewhere. There must be a better way.

---

We lost Mimi this weekend. She was such a fighter, and her spirit never wavered. It was her body that failed her, and she tried so hard to hold on. I miss you little one, but I am ever so proud of everything you've given to me, to us, to the world. Goodnight, and I'll see you when I also embark on the journey to the lands unknown. Catch a rabbit for me.

Blowing Off the Dust

It's not like there is actually a moment to spare, but irrespective of the tasks at hand--for necessity--I've neglected all my other tasks today.

For the longest time, life has felt like a constant dash up hill, only to find another to summit once you are over the crest. So let us take a moment to stop, think, rub the eyes and look around.

So much has changed since I've last visited. The people in my life are different; those you would've expected to be here forever are now merely acquaintances. Indeed it is spectacularly difficult to keep in touch with folks these days, and when that challenge is surpassed, it is even harder to stay relevant in each others lives. While solitude is something familiar by now--in fact, one that is desired usually--I do miss having that core group of friends to share life with. But now, I don't stay still long enough for these bonds to form.

New job, new living arrangements, new enterprises, new interests. Quite good progress over six months, but the path forward is daunting. Entering adulthood in earnest is more frustrating than concerning, mostly due to limitations to my growth due to a lack of personal development time or a mentor. It has gotten to the point where I require specialized knowledge to realize my dreams; but because they are from multiple fields, I simply don't have the time to develop it all.

Still, I will find a way. 

A bit tired, but highly motivated. Leaving this here in memory of the fond past, when I still wrote.

The Empty Road

My office is situated in a new commercial development area. Much of it is vacant grass land, winnowed saplings, and the occasional mound of dirt. A paved road runs through this area, straight for a block, before rounding the corner into more of the untouched landscape.

This has been my place for the past year.

The place for me to run, walk, or rest and contemplate the most difficult of questions, the introspective ones.

It's always a struggle to truly identify what it is we want, and the reasons underlying some of our choices are just as illusive.

I used to think all I had to do was be on my own to solve my problems. Whenever a difficult situation arises, I sought to be on my own.

Lately it hasn't helped. Even among the solitude and the silence and warmth of the sun, I can't make straight the tangled.

There are others here sometimes. A father with his daughter on a tricycle, two children kicking a soccer ball back and forth, a girl with her dog.

Maybe I'm doing this all wrong. Everyone else is here with someone after all.

What Could've been

Sometimes I wish that we could know for a fact that there was no going back,
that the paths we chose not to take, the rocks we didn't overturn
would remain shrouded in mystery forever, such that
those whispers of what could've been wouldn't be relevant.

It's a terrible habit to continuously look back at the choices you've made,
and wondered if it's the right one.

When all we really should do is be steadfast in our chosen direction, and work with the world we've nurtured for ourselves.