Happy Holidays

I hope everyone has been having an excellent holiday season filled with memorable moments and lots of loved ones.

It has been a struggle to address the structural issues within my systems, so I thank the individuals who interact with me while I go through a transitional phase again. I also want to thank the people who have contributed significantly in revealing the shortcomings of my current models. I will fix this.

After taking the opportunity to speak to everyone, since it is rare for the entire family group to congregate together, Some doors have been opened, while others have been closed. It is good to be making some progress.

I've been spending a lot of time this week with good friends, close family members, and old acquaintances. We've spent extravagant amounts of money to entertain ourselves, and also resolved to spend nothing on card games, mahjong, and karaoke at home. I honestly prefer not spending any money at all. The moments we spend together, laughing, cuddling during a movie, makes it all so much more worthwhile than a fancy restaurant or trips to a resort.

I've learned a lot this holiday season. Learned a lot about keeping the people I trust and love, even closer.

Exams.

"To everyone that's constantly saying fml and feeling sorry for themselves during exam times (myself included), look at this picture and stop whining." - Kev

Let's do this.

ahhhhhhhhhhh

Studying sucks. Really really sucks.
Why couldn't I just have photographic memory?

I'd do so much with photographic memory.
Like I'd never need to re-open a textbook again.
Or forget another person's name.
And I could serve as the perfect witness on trials!

Wait, all of a sudden it doesn't sound so glamorous anymore.
It doesn't take that much effort to re-open a book or remember a person's name.

Nevermind!

Storm

I'll be honest about this, because there's no shame in revealing it.
A storm is brewing just off in the distance, and I will have to deal with it soon.
I am concerned, nervous but excited.

Concerned that I might waver in my confidence.
Nervous in that I might fail where I cannot afford to.
Excited in knowing that success means everything.

I don't want to face this alone though, because I've seen the power of having others
carrying the burden together and pulling the other across the finish.

So I'm looking really hard for that someone.
Who feels the drive like me or more.
Who burns with excitement and energy.

But then I realized that everyone is searching...
for something that very few will find.

Our Arenas.

It's imperative that we realize the value of even the most intangible of items.
Recognize the fragility of our existence; the thread which holds our assertions true.
Only through this can we perceive the world correctly
with meekness, humility, and appreciation.

At times it feels like there is so much we must carry.
The burdens that comes with age and circumstances.
We all fight our battles, our own arenas.
We all face the monsters that haunt our nightmares and threaten our dreams.

It doesn't matter how we appear on the surface.
Confident or doubtful, showing joy or anguish;
We're all warriors here, courageous as needed for our battles, wise from our previous experiences.

We're never truly alone, yet never fully understood.
All these contradictions that make up life.
How does it work?
How does it all equate?

Perhaps we are all pursuing the solutions in some form or another,
In which case, never embark on this journey alone.

Because perhaps it takes a contradiction to answer one.
A personal question, answered by the efforts of many.