All Systems Go

All I had to do was stop taking the meds.
I feel so much better today, got a lot of work done
and just about fractured my wrist and ankle breakdancing
but it's all good.

I'm myself again. Let's kick ass and catch up on the backlog.

Meds

A little too heavy on the meds this week.
I usually get sick around this time of year, so it wasn't unexpected.
But this one is a little more finicky, since it's making me feel worse than usual.

I was ahead on everything, but I've spent so much time sleeping this week
in a drug induced haze, that I've fallen behind.

I can't believe I missed a team meeting with a professor this morning.
Nor, that I left a lab report to do on the day it was due.

A stupid flock of geese wouldn't get out of my way as I was turning into the parking lot.

I breakdanced in jeans, probably not the best idea.

And I've got a back log of work to complete outside of school.

---

I should've brought my guitar here instead of the violin.
The violin is an instrument for me when I'm happy and content.
A guitar is for when I'm down and frustrated.

A violin needs lots of attention and a quiet room to play in.
A guitar only needs your fingers.

I need my guitar, so that I can sit in the dark, lean up against the wall, strum an unknown melody, and fill the voids with lyrics to clear my mind.

I gotta get off these meds. Ugh.

:D

Three days of researching, planning, trips to the computer store, putting parts together, installing, patching, tweaking, and finally...I have a fully working and stable Mac made from everyday components.

I figured after so many years of doing basic I.T. support for so many organizations, and having tinkered around with computers since I was 13, I could do this. But why let my first time be merely a PC? No, let's build a Mac. Just because this is the challenge I wanted.

A few heart wrenching moments, such as when the system didn't even boot up at first. For a moment, causing me to wonder if I should've followed some manuals after all, instead of wasting $300 worth of components. Having to redo all my patches twice since a few of them went wonky and killed the system... but it works now.

Oh this feeling. It's awesome.

This is quite possibly the dorkiest thing I've ever done in my life.

Easy

This time it was easy to let you go.
No nights of anguish, wondering why I wasn't holding you.
No inexplicable stabbing in the chest, even whilst I forced a smile.

Just this.
You, in my arms; our conversations, our hands intertwined with each other.
A pause, your gaze; and I knew.

Curious how we communicated that.
That we were finished.

Oh, we knew this wasn't exclusive to begin with.
We knew that this would end someday soon.

But this was perfect.
No pain, no sorrow, no frustration.
Just you in my arms, a kiss on the cheek, and one last embrace.

This is how we should've done it the first time.

Goodbye again. I hope he treats you well.
Meanwhile, I look forward to the one who'll take your place someday.

Rays of Closure

This is good. She laid her head on my chest, while I held her. We spoke, we wondered, we planned. We interrupted our thoughts with youtube videos that brought hysterical laughter, all the while I cradled her. She closed her eyes, and said how comfortable she was, how safe she felt, and how sleep tempted her. A kiss on her forehead, and I knew that we were gently putting each other down. This was what I needed, something to close our tumultuous relationship of the past 2 years. It's been on and off, her... popping into my life every few months with some new problem, and me trying to fix it all for her. I didn't get to see her all this time though, nor did I have a wish to.

At the end of the day, she pulled me close with a little smile, and asked what I wanted for the night. I chose a friendly kiss on the cheek; and that was how things ended. Our relationship moving slowly back to platonic.

It's for the best, I'd prefer a relationship with a bit more commitment. But priorities! Lets finish school first :)