Lost in the Rhythm

Music... what a beautiful gift

 I vanish whenever I'm hurt or distraught. Part of it is because I don't want people to see me when I'm down, part of it is because I often try to figure things out myself... since in most cases other's can't do much for me, and a small part of it is to see if anyone will actually notice my absence; an extension of that would be to see who actually notices that I'm damaged somewhere.

For the past while, I've sort of disappeared from everything. Mostly because there are a lot of things I needed to establish and figure out. At the same time, I've come to a realization about the way the world works... that is a little difficult to digest, since it is slightly contrary to how I wanted to live my life. I liken it to discovering that something you didn't want to be true... was in fact just that.

I haven't really gone out lately, except for the few trips to the bars with coworkers. Just staying around home, fixing things up. I had a very good time today, just spending hours with an old friend... whom I only see once a year. It was always nice to see her, and we always have amazing conversations... plus, she is really one of the few people I know who actually has some depth and is going somewhere with her life. She's brilliant. Really. That's the type of people who attend Canada's best business school I guess. When someone you care about gains something that makes them so happy, you can't help but be happy too!

Apart from that...mostly, I've surrounded myself with my instruments... just practicing and learning more. It is somewhat strange, since I'm trying a rather odd approach to my instrument learning. Instead of learning in a linear fashion (as in, one instrument followed by another), I'm learning 4 instruments together at the same time in parallel. The logic works in that piano theory would help in all the other instruments, while violin is basically a fretless guitar, and singing... well helps with learning key and pitch. I expect progress to be slow initially, but improve later on to surpass that of developing these things linearly. If it works, I may apply this system elsewhere too. I'm such a dork. :)

I've been meaning to put my studio back together and finish a song I had begun for my first girl years ago... but I'm not sure I ever want to finish it anymore. Honestly, the tune and melody just didn't work... and the words don't seem to fit properly elsewhere.

I guess, if it doesn't work, then it doesn't work. I'll leave it be.

Gotta love getting lost in the rhythm and melody of music. It makes everything okay.

Track: The Title - Ever So Slightly

What do you want for christmas?

I haven't done a photo shoot for the past few weeks, so I just quickly snapped this simple one to capture the Christmassy feeling I have nowadays. I can honestly say, I can't wait to get to spend time with family and close friends in a few weeks.

I'm sure everyone is asking and receiving the telltale sign that someone is getting you a gift and expecting one in return. The... "what do you want for Christmas" sign that is.

This weekend was the first I had actually spent at home. Oh, I've been home almost every weekend, but it was simply a base of operations of sorts. I'd be out of the house in a few minutes somewhere else. I made sure I had no such plans this weekend, and really spent it at home with family. Being a good Taiwanese boy and helping out my parents, optimizing the computer, setting up the Christmas lights, singing Karaoke with the family, hot pot, and looking after the dogs; checking their joints, fur, and body parts for any sign of health problems or discomfort...

And then my parents popped the question on me. They wanted to know, what I wanted. What I truly needed this Christmas season.

"What I truly needed..."

I drew up a blank then, but now I think I can confidently tell them what I want. I just want... a good Christmas. One that tops all the other ones. I don't need lavish gifts, I don't need a new car, a new computer, or money. I just want to have great memories with family and friends. Something, anything to top last Christmas... the one I spent with my ex and her family. My parents don't know this, but I asked her out as soon as the clock struck midnight on Christmas eve. Flowers, behind my back, and asked her in front of her entire family.

And that smile on everyone's faces, the squeals from her sisters, and the grinning of her parents... her running at me for a hug.

Memories. That I don't want to revisit anymore.

So please? Something better this year, somehow, so that when I think back on my favorite Christmas memory... She won't be in it.