:)

I know I make it seem like I don't give a shit,
But I just wanted the rest of the world to know
That I love spending time with you.

This Game

I know what you're doing. You're smart. Smarter than me in ways I can't even measure, but I know this game you're playing.

It's only fair I guess, since I didn't believe you when you said that you loved me, to tell me that you don't believe me when I whispered that I've missed you.

But which is more likely to be false?
That you loved me, the boy who couldn't help you, the boy who you barely spoke to after we parted.
Or that I missed you? Missed the girl who was so many firsts, who saw the world in such an amazing manner, and on so many levels, had qualities that I wished I had?

I refuse to play this game with you for much longer. This is my senior year, I have a family business to take care of, I'm trying to launch myself into the world, and I need a stable relationship. Not this shit that you're giving me right now.

I've missed this

Your hair in my face, arms wrapped around each other tight.
Us, rolling around together. The way you look at me when I'm covering you.
Just the two of us, trusting each other entirely, tightly wound with each other.

The four walls of your room, covered in drawings and poetry that you've left at different points of your life. Your clothes, always still on the bed, as we play fight and taste each other's lips.

I've missed this feeling, this intimacy. Thank you for bringing it all back to me; even though this won't mean much in the grand scheme of things.

And as we part ways again, good luck, take care, and always remember the chorus to our song; that we've uttered in between breathes to each other.

Lessons Learned

I've learned a great deal up here.

I've learned that you can be as polite and reasonable as possible, but sometimes, people will still look for a fight.
I've learned that you shouldn't take disrespect from anyone, but sometimes it's just a person's way of testing your worthiness.
I've learned to be away from home for a long duration of time. It hurt at first, especially when communications were down, but I've built a home where I am.
I've learned that the dark coloured rocks are in fact covered with a lichen that takes 20 years to grow.
I've learned how to be happy with little things, and be alone.

I've learned how to be stronger and better, at life.

---

The first few weeks were a little rough. So many things went wrong, and I made so many mistakes. But, it's always comforting to know that under immense pressure, you didn't break. You may have cracked, but the important thing is that you held steady; and now you're emerging as a different individual. At one point, I regretted coming up here; but now I've found exactly what I was looking for. Finally!

The Ocean

We hiked out to the ocean today, and spent half an hour or so just playing around. We whipped rocks into the crashing waves, and ran out as far as we dared on the outcrops before a spray of water would push us back. Just five guys, being stupid and trying to entertain ourselves in a place of nothing. But hey, we're five guys being stupid by the Arctic ocean. Probably the only beacon of stupidity for miles around.

Things I miss the most up here? Movies, pocky snacks, stable internet conditions, and of course my friends. I'm coping though. After all, got to drive the truck today.

It was pretty straightforward, but being me... I used turning signals, and got laughed at.

The inuit are, like, super gangster and rocking it out with their hoodies and stuff. I actually like talking to them, since I'm dressed in a hoodie usually and fit in pretty well. These are my homies now, because ya, you know... I was totally street back in Sauga.

But really, I'm hoping this term passes by quickly. I just want to collect my pay, move back to Loo, since I can focus on my personal projects then. Things are slow right now, so to keep myself sane, I've been planning a lot of creative photo shoots. I need to get some creative shots for my portfolio, and then do a few portraits, but those are rather simple.

That's all for now! It's pretty damn cold up here nowadays.

Restart

I haven't been myself lately. I don't like how thinking about you messes me up like this.

Let's pause, reset, and start anew.

Workout schedule restarted, back to organizing the conference, and getting fourth year project preparations done. Might have some model shoots when I get back home, definitely need to reorganize everything and upgrade the gear.

There, I'm feeling better already.

A reminder:

"Take wrong turns. Talk to strangers. Open unmarked doors. And if you see a group of people in a field, go find out what they're doing. Do things without always knowing how they'll turn out. You're curious and smart and bored, and all you see is the choice between working hard and slacking off. There are so many adventures that you miss because  you're waiting to think of a plan. To find them, look for tiny interesting choices. And remember that you are always making up the future as you go." -xkcd

This is all I need

All I need is the camera in my hands, a tripod slung across my back, and I can be happy.

Things are a little slow right now, since we have a lot of mechanical breakdowns and are low on fuel. This is why I've been blogging a little more, and perhaps thinking a little too much. The lab has been organized, I've been taken out on site tours many times now, and have hung out with the supervisors after hours. I've worked with the engineer on site, and he's been great at teaching me about what he does. From him, I'm realizing that consulting jobs would be quite a good fit for me; so I may be approaching one of the firms when I graduate. But so much is in the air about the future now, I'll just take what comes and deal with it then (Que sera sera right?).

At least I don't need to be worried that I won't have any doors to walk through. I've worked hard to set the foundation, and I'm confident that I'll be good for jobs and such later on. I've received an acceptance letter for one of the conferences I wanted to attend, so it looks like I'll be travelling to Calgary in October to attend it. Hopefully I can establish a lot of good networks there.

I haven't been sleeping well here, and perhaps because of that I had a dream with a friend in it. She had dreamt about me earlier too, so I found it amusingly coincidental. All the same, the dream has been bothering me a bit.

Other than that, it's been great here. People aren't as social on this site, and it isn't quite as exciting; but work will occupy most of my time soon, and I'm looking forward to that. A barge is being loaded with an urgent load of fuel as we speak and should arrive here in a week or so. Planes are also coming in tomorrow to drop off some gear to set up bear deterrents.

This month is going to be interesting. I'm actually half wishing that it was over already just because I'd like to start and finish up school as soon as possible. The future is bright (: and I think I'm ready to make my mark in it.