When you try to do too many things at once, things can get pretty messy. It seems like a pretty basic lesson that everyone should know, but when you're caught up with the excitement of finally finding your path... it's hard to remind yourself about the importance of caution.
Things get jumbled and tangled. Sooner or later, you realized that you can't sort things out anymore. You can't find the time to do the things you really want. You can't find the right words to say or actions to do. You can't identify which of your feelings are real, and which are the result of mere fantasy.
I've resigned from my internship position with the American media outlet. I was humbled and surprised when they embraced me with such enthusiasm. But it only served to satisfy a mild curiosity and to fluff up my resume... which, to be honest, wouldn't have made much difference.
Now that the internship is out of the way, I can finally focus on making myself better. I've got my instruments to practice, need to work on my tennis swing, experiment with some more cooking recipes, and restart my workout program in earnest.
I can sort of feel myself begin to shut people out again, especially after this weekend. I'm ashamed of what I did, and disappointed that I still can't sort out my feelings. But perhaps, I'll let her take the lead on this one and see what she wants. When the time comes, it'll come.
It's hard to sort out illusions from truth when your feelings get in the way.
Track: A Rocket to the Moon - 54321
