You Could Be the One

Those words have been recited repeatedly with masked intentions.

Most times, they carry nothing but empty flattery, but sometimes they are the lining of admiration.

It tends to be like this. An initial contact, a meeting of eyes, an awkward introduction.

We share stories of our adventures, you tell me where your feet have taken you; and what your eyes have tasted; I do likewise.

I marvel at your life, and you do mine. 

The words are uttered. Conveying our excitement for the beckoning future. 

And then we part, perhaps never crossing paths again.

People will do this often, speaking of your adventures and marvelling at where your feet have taken you. They say how fulfilling your life will be, how dynamic your experiences make you, and how beautiful of a being you are becoming.

But every time someone says that to me, it is like a needle stabbing. Because you wonder, if your life is truly so amazing, then why hasn't the other consider being a part of it? 

If you see something you like, don't hesitate to reach for it, or to let it know that you want to be a part of it. Because potentially, you could be the one that life has been waiting for. Realize that it isn't all the praise that you've wanted to hear, but the words, "can I come with?" that says louder than anything, that your life is good.

This Path Splits Many Ways

To you: I don't want to pretend that I have all the answers, because I don't. I just hope you'll come out of the dark place you're in now, and see the light again.


Four-way crossings, forks in the road, a "t" intersection; so many of these dot the paths we walk.
They taunt relentlessly, knowing that we can only go one way.
By our age, we're all intimately familiar with them already,
and know how it feels to wonder what things would've been.

This is most prevalent when we consider potentially life-altering events.
We think about our post-secondary decisions. "Was it the right program? Right school?"
We wonder about our job prospects. "What if I had accepted this offer and declined that one?"
We dream about the possible lovers. "Should I have kissed her earlier? Would things be different?"

But realize that every moment is life-altering. Anything, anywhere, changes the face of the earth; and the existence of every moment is fleeting. Will you concern yourself with ever micro-aspect of life? Will you allow worry and anxiety to overcome you with paralysis?

This is the adventure we embark on. A world that we cannot fully control, with forces that play cards for and against. This is a place where you should trust that the right road is the one you're walking on now, and where you can believe in yourself when the moment calls. This is life.

So it doesn't matter what you've done, stop regretting everything, since here you are...the cumulation of every good and bad event.

The important thing is, you are here.

Unplanned Week at Home

*Rant warning*

I wasn't expecting to be back here so soon, among family, among friends. It feels strange to return to the patterns of day and night; to not be excited by any noise that cuts through the silence, or waking up obscenely early in the morning to work.

In fact, if I pause for a moment and consider, I'd find that I really haven't been home for a while. I didn't leave Waterloo much last term, and I left for Kingston straight from the conference there. I've spent more time in Ottawa this term than at home. I haven't kept in touch with my acquaintances, haven't really maintained my networks; all because I wanted to get away from it all.

Home. So much has changed, and everything is in need of repair. My networks have all frayed here. It's like lifting up a puppet string, only to find that nothing is attached at the other end. People have moved on with their lives, out of mine. The first thing that greeted me, my old trusty computer. I've kept it alive, even after most of the components ceased to work following a power surge, by scrounging up parts and making workarounds. It whirled to life, ran beautifully for around six minutes, then shut off without warning. It wouldn't wake again, and I don't have the heart anymore to fix it again.

We had a good run, but I've learned to let things go now. But even as I write this, I know that it is all a lie. It has always been this way with me and computers, as well as people. If I can breathe more life into you, I will. It won't be long before I have it up and running again for some purpose.

The car needed to go in for repairs, and it is going to cost me $700 to fix a broken railing for one of the seats. Do me a favor next time, guests, please don't touch anything in my car. Don't scratch the front dash by swiping the zipper of your bag against it, don't puncture the leather because a pen is sticking out of your back pocket, just don't do anything stupid okay? I take care of my things, which is why I go extra and spend on luxury items. If I didn't care, I would've bought a beater. If you ride with me, have some class.

The driveway also needed repairs, and things at work had to be done. Basically, a lot of manual labor; but I didn't mind, since it builds character and the mindless activity lets me think. I've come out for the most of this week sweaty and covered in mud or dust; but God it feels nice to get dirty once in a while.

Lastly, little sis. Thank you for calling and meeting up with me. I had begun to think that I had been forgotten, and I've missed you very much. No, I don't have someone special in my life at the moment. Yes, I wouldn't mind one; but it's difficult to find someone who appreciates you just as much as you do them. You've always made good relationships look easy to come by... perhaps share some tips with your big bro?

Slow Things Down

Speed makes things exhilarating. The blur of lights and colours as you pass them by; the noises that dim into the distance; the landmarks ahead that rush towards you. But then the high disappears, and you realize you position. You're missing so much on your way. You're stepping into holes you never meant to be near. You start swerving, and realizing that the exhilaration is based on the premise that you are utterly, and gloriously, on the edge of losing all control.

So, let's slow things down a bit. 

I've been making too many mistakes lately. Not paying attention to details enough, and judging too quickly. I'm jumping to conclusions and putting a lot of important things in jeopardy. So slow down and do things right the first time. Too much spontaneity can be a bad thing.

I listen to people, I analyze, and I think. I know I still have lots of room to grow and improve. Believe me, I'm working on all of it.