Sorry

I can't believe that I never found it until now.
Your thoughts, your wishes, your memories.
Flipping to the dates when we were together,
the emotions rushing through you finally became clear.

I'm sorry.
So sorry.
For breaking your heart.

"I didn't know" isn't a valid excuse for me.
I should've known. 

Looking and Not Looking

Begin by determining if you are actually searching for something. Then try to ask the right questions, to figure out what you want.
Next, generate some constraints and limits so you can scope your search.
Perform the search.
Find someone, anyone.
Reflect and analyze this individual to your list of requirements.
Realize you didn't know what you wanted.

Take her hand and run.

It's the only way to know.

No, I haven't forgotten

That was always me. The boy who spoke too much of dreams, marvelled at the possibilities, and was entranced by every single source of motivation. Transfixed on a goal so high, yet fully confident that it could be achieved.

Do you remember those nights? Curled up in the vehicle, you in my arms, looking out the windows at the trees that surrounded us. It was like our own little place, the trees as our sentries.

Those were the days, youthful optimism, the smell of your hair, a blank canvas as a future.

Fast forward five years and we meet again. You, weary of the world; me, my canvas filled with something considerably different.

You ask, where is that boy? what of the dreams? What of those words?

and I say: he's here, they're still alive, and I meant every single one.

Salsa

Do you ever find yourself waiting aimlessly for something, and then realize that you don't have the slightest clue of what it is that you are waiting for?

I'm curious, is this ignorance a positive thing or a bad thing? Perhaps not knowing is the right thing.

Latin music plays as the salsa club goes through their weekly lesson with a bunch of eager faces. A few of them are familiar, particularly the instructor. He looked up, and I quickly turned to hide my face.

He knows me well enough by name and is probably wondering why I didn't join them this year.

There was something about salsa though, about leading a dance and having the girl trust you entirely. One slip of confidence, one over analysis, and you miss a tempo or forget to give a signal and it all falls apart.

I remember my dancing partner, she struggled with reading the signals because she wasn't used to waiting for someone to lead. Ever independent, she'd always jump ahead of me as soon as she decided on what move I was requesting. Unfortunately, most of the time she was wrong.

I held her one time by the shoulders after she apologized for the third time straight,  looked her in the eyes and told her to not break the gaze. We finished the next song smoothly, with full eye contact, oblivious to the world around us, and barely noticing the dance at all. We were moving gracefully, but were just along for the ride. The dance took to life itself.

I realize that through that exercise, although I intended for her to let go of her independent tendencies, I actually accomplished something else for myself as well. I learned to stop analyzing and just trust the part of me that bobs to a nice tempo or autonomously decides things before I consciously do.

It was fascinating, and I've only felt like that the few times she asked me to practice with her that term.

Surprisingly, I'm finding myself missing salsa. Perhaps I'll dance again someday soon.